What Happens when you spill the milk? Oops!
If your boss asked you “Did you eat a bowl of stupid for breakfast?!” Would it motivate you? Perhaps it might motivate you to leave.
If your partner repeatedly told you angrily “you fool, typical of you to be so clumsy” Would you feel loved and cared for?
Put downs from other people are usually noticeable but what about the ones we say to ourselves?
How do you talk to yourself?
If you drop a carton of milk or get ink on your favourite shirt – what do you say to yourself? Our own ‘internal dialogue’ makes a huge difference to how we feel and usually we don’t pay much attention to how we’re speaking to ourselves, mostly it’s habits we’ve fallen into. Sometimes they are things we’ve been told in the past and after someone else said them to us, we carry on saying them to ourselves. When we start to notice them, then we can change them for something more useful.
Here’s some typical habits, things we might say to ourselves, see if you recognise any:
“Trust me to get it all wrong…”
“It’d be just my luck if I missed it altogether”
I’ll never be good at that”
“ I can’t believe I just did that, how stupid”
“Oh no, why did I just make a fool of myself again”
“There’s no point me trying to be clever”
“I never get it right”
“I’ve got no chance here”
You may, by now, have remembered some of your own internal dialogues. Are they harsh or kind? How do you speak to yourself?
Wouldn’t it be lovely if there was a person in your life who was on call 24/7 to say nice things to you? To pick you up after a fall or to tell you ‘you’re still the best’ when you’ve had a bad day?
Well here’s the big secret: That person can be you.
Today, have a go at being nice, extra nice, to yourself. Instead of getting stressed about the things you can’t change, try saying ‘ah well’ with a shrug of the shoulders. Try praising yourself when you do something well and saying something soothing when things aren’t so good.
We don’t often feel motivated when people shout and tell us we’re stupid. We feel motivated when we hear kind and encouraging things. That’s how we get the courage to carry on.
If, when it’s learning to walk, a toddler falls down, we don’t say “Well look at that, you better stay on the floor because you clearly aren’t any good at that!” No, we say “wow well done for trying, have another go”
Why not give yourself the same courtesy and see how it changes the way you look at things. It may even encourage others around you to speak to you differently!
Here’s some ones to try;
“cor that was a tough job, well done me!”
“I really quite good at (whatever you’re good at)”
“I really need a break right now so I’m taking time for lunch today”
“Anyone can make a mistake, everything will be alright”
“I’m doing my best”
“I’m doing amazingly well in these circumstances!”
Oh and one last tip…if you find yourself going back to telling yourself off, don’t worry and don’t beat yourself up for that, that would be like breaking an egg and then breaking another one to teach yourself a lesson. Let it go and then try finding something good to say. Even if it’s “well done me for noticing I’d spoke harshly to myself again!”
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